I Lived, Bitch

Date: Wednesday, 4th October 2023

Topic: Chatting

Hi. So it's been a while.

Updates, for the sake of better record keeping: To the surprise of everyone including him, my uncle didn't die. I also did not die. My sister managed to sort shit out with her university. Paperwork has been sent away. I'm still having episodes of sleep paralysis, though. Some other stressful stuff happened in the meantime whilst all that got better, but I don't particularly care to talk about it, because I'm doing better now. I recently found out that the shoulder and back pain that's been crucifying me for the past three years could be related to my existing chronic illness, so I'm trying to get an appointment to test if that's what's going on, and then hopefully a medication review to see if they'll finally give me oxycodone. Steps forward and steps back. Anyway. I don't know. Backslid on ocd stuff a lot because I live for the short-term comfort of actively worsening my mental health. Still finding the courage to give a shit about that. It just feels like too much effort to worry about on top of everything else when it's like, so easy to just let myself fall into whatever thought patterns I want even if they suck so fucking badly, I resent the constant effort it takes to let myself exist normally. I resent how it sounds typing that out. Started watching Breaking Bad. My sister bought me chocolate satins. Life is not always good but it is so plesant to continue having it. That sorta thing.

See you again, sooner this time. I missed hitting 4,231 views on this site which is a little sad actually. You can't answer this, because this blog does not have a comment section, but how the hell are people seeing it anyway? I've got showing up in the activity feed disabled, set to 18+, I have no idea how neocities works. How'd you get in here?