Victory

I did not say anything when I begun because I didn't want to admit defeat if it turned out to be a dumb idea, but deciding to keep screenshots of difficult moments in conversations has been a resounding success in making it easier to convince myself I've been acting normal. Utterly unanticipated. Hours of my life spent agonising over some half-remembered joke or comment, weighing up the prons and cons of texting someone out of nowhere to apologise for making them uncomfortable; I have streamlined this process to less than fifteen minutes of searching through my phone to double check if I did or said something awful and just forgot about it. It feels fucking unreal. I literally feel like I'm getting a good grade in behaving appropriately, something which is now possible to achive!!! I overuse the phrase '___ is better than therapy' but this is real, actually. I don't careee if I still need to get scared every time I recall something that could've gone bad, this is a significant portion of my time I get to spend not scared. Fuck me.

Obviously, no disrespect to those who feel they've benefitted from diagnosis and treatment, but I would rather kill myself.

Anyway! I will be insufferable for a while following this, because I feel far too pleased with myself. Life is very, very good in this moment :3.